Now before you start getting excited I have to state some disclaimers. I won’t be telling you how to behave like Jim Carrey in Yes Man. He was the closest analogy I can think of for this particular topic. Before we talk about Yes, let's start with telling yourself NO.
If you grew up in a perfect childhood home where you were always told yes then this article isn’t for you. My message is for the souls who have been told NO! Growing up have you ever wanted to play a difficult sport, learn a new language or learn how to hotwire a car but was told NO? Let’s say you wanted to do two out of those three things but the answer was still NO. I understand the feeling, I too was told no or not right now or maybe next time. The answer was always no but it was worded differently most of the time to give me hope.
Another disclaimer, this isn’t meant to call out parents for their decision-making skills. I’m grateful for my providers and I wouldn’t be where I am today without them and I hope you are grateful for yours as well. The purpose is to uncover what’s been truly holding you back from living the life that you deserve. Back to being told NO!! Now that we all are adults now or most of us reading this article. How many times have you told yourself YES? I’m not talking about giving yourself permission to stay up late to watch another episode of Grey’s Anatomy. I’m talking about giving yourself permission to start something new and exciting.
What was that one thing that you always wanted to do as a kid but you were told NO? I’ll go first, ever since I learned how to walk I always enjoyed going fast. I loved running, flipping, dancing, jumping, you name it. I guess you can say I had a lot of energy as a child but what was I supposed to do with all of that energy? I had a perfect idea, I should become a gymnast!! I remember going to this all-inclusive fitness center with my parents, while they were working out I would watch the gymnast flip up and down. Back and forward, side to side, it was one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen in my whole life.
So I decided that I was going to ask my parents if I can be a gymnast. I still remember the anticipation I felt waiting on them to pick me up, I was super ecstatic. I would practice my kart wheels in the corner, and work on my splits, I couldn't wait to show them what I can do. Finally, they picked me up and I was so nervous to ask, so I waited until we made it home. I waited until my mom started cooking and I gave myself the courage to ask and guess what she said. You would never guess her answer, she didn't just say NO. She added seasoning to her no, it could be because she was cooking but she told me NO because my breast was too big.
Exactly, that was my face too. I still remember the feeling of being told No to something that I really wanted to do. Unknowingly, I started bringing that same lack into my adult life. I found myself creating excuses and reasons not to finish things that I started. I created this pattern of indecisiveness and all around lacked trust in myself. Not to constantly touch up on my childhood trauma but we all have our own stories. The point is when we tell ourselves NO, we're not just hurting our present selves. We’re feeding our Inner Child Wound, we're telling ourselves that we can’t be Spontaneous or creative because we have big boobs. I mean you get my point but how to tell yourself, yes you ask?
Final Disclaimer, I am not a licensed therapist in any shape or form. I am a certified Life and Solution Focused coach that specializes in Authencity and Mindset coaching. I am a strong advocate for Self Help or getting professional help as needed. This particular exercise worked for me and helped me gain clarity over who I am and who I am not. This is my philosophy on loving and healing the inner child's wound and I hope that this information finds you well.
How To Tell Yourself YES!!.
1.) Find an old picture of yourself when you were a child. Preferably a picture of you smiling or displaying some form of happiness.
2.) Put the picture in front of you and take in how happy you were at that moment.
3.) Write down something that you’ve always wanted to do and ask yourself Why? You need to have a strong why if you really want to tell yourself YES.
Finally, look at that cute little kid with the missing teeth and wild hair and think about all of the times that they were told NO. Are you really going to add to that child’s trauma because you are afraid to find out what happens after Yes or are you going to give your inner child the freedom that it deserves?
Let me know if this exercise helped you in any shape or form. Remember to always love yourself, the more love you give to yourself, the more you have to go around for everyone else.
With Love, Lodisha
“In the space between yes and no, there’s a lifetime. It’s the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it’s the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are; it's the legroom for the lies you’ll tell yourself in the future.”
― Jodi Picoult, Change of Heart
